Articles

I wouldn’t ride that thing if you paid me!

New Kind of Ride

d5d6244dd4d735d93a4bfec75fed8d14A recumbent bike what’s that.” I asked. My best friend was on the phone telling me of her latest bright idea. “Just think,” she said, “I will be able to get exercise and it won’t hurt my back”. (A point well-taken since she had struggled with back problems for years.) Well if you say so, I reluctantly encouraged. Dee researches everything so she must know her bikes.

What is a recumbent bike? I had never heard of it (probably because I don’t ride bikes, I fall off, I can’t coordinate my hands, feet, brain and mouth at the same time.)

However, after our conversation, I rushed to the computer to look at this biking wonder. Looking at this contraption, I was not sure how a person would ride it. It looked like a “lazy Boy” recliner at full tilt with two wheels, handlebars, and peddles. I was sitting there trying to imagine my friend on that bike, lying down with her feet in the air, leisurely peddling along on two wheels. (I am not sure I would ride that bike even if it had six wheels!) Secretly I was hoping she would not get her bike, it looked dangerous!

At Christmas she received her ‘Electric Blue’ recumbent bike, a fancy “high speed” cycling outfit, complete with matching gloves, shoes and a racing helmet (with arrear view mirror no less). You go Girlfriend. My theory in life is if you are dressed for the occasion, and look the part, you can do the job. She sure looked the part of a speed racer, why she could have been on the cover of Biking digest!

For a week she practice and I thought she did well she only crashed a few times in an effort to get out of the drive way. While she tried to find her perfect balance on that two wheeled “lazy Boy” recliner. As her friend, I could cheer her on, but I would not have tried to ride that bike if you paid me.

After a week of wobbling around the neighborhood, she finally mastered the technique. Dee was full of confidence, had found her balance, and felt she was ready to let the world see her new ‘Electric Blue” recumbent bike, complete with a matching outfit. What a sight.

However, she was having a few problems with the fancy helmet. She could not get the mirror to set right, and the chinstrap was a little

Cowgirl Up!

Cowgirl Up!

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When this California beach bunny met my Canadian Cowboy, it was like “John Wayne meets California Bling queen” two different worlds collided.  My idea of a rancher’s wife was somewhere between “Dolly Parton” and the television show “Dallas.”  In my world if you were dressed for the occasion you could do any the job.

My new husband sent me out to get some cowboy boots and jeans. I guess he didn’t think the go-go boots and hot pants would work! Lol  

I was excited to go shopping, after all I liked the boots “Dolly” wore with beautiful design’s, colors and sparkles.  Now to find the perfect boot, which in my mind I thought should be both fashionable and practical.  I couldn’t wait to see Lyle’s face when I brought them home.

Modeling my new 3-inch-heeled cowgirl boots and seeing the look on Lyle’s face, I knew he wasn’t as appreciative of the boots as I was.  I think it was somewhere between bursting out into gales of laughter and I can’t believe it!

I may Need a Little Help!

ATTENTION:  Male and Female ATM bank procedures

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A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.  After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed.

Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.

 

Male procedure:

  • 1.   Drive up to the cash machine
  • 2.   Put down your car window.
  • 3    Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
  • 4.   Enter amount of cash required and withdraw
  • 5.   Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
  • 6.   Drive off.

Female procedures:  What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth, at least for me!

  •  1.  Drive up to cash machine.
  •  2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
  • 3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
  • 4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
  • 5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.shutterstock_2671605
  • 6. Attempt to insert card into machine..
  • 7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
  • 8. Insert card.
  • 9. Re-insert card the right way.

Through The Looking Glass

                                            Through the Looking Glass     

shutterstock_14746480 falling down

Early one fall I took a day trip to Calgary, Alberta, to buy spring and summer fashions for my retail business. I brought my teenage daughters along and planned to do some afternoon shopping after my appointment. I wore my navy business suit to make a good impression and for added flair, I wore my three-inch heels.  It was important to me to look pulled together so the sales representatives would assume I knew what I was doing.

My teenagers dressed for comfort in jeans and tennis shoes.  However, I decided to keep the suit and heels on for shopping, because I did not want to bring an extra set of clothes.  The day had been fun but exhausting, and by 5 pm I had burned-out.  I had a headache, my feet hurt, and I was hobbling. I was ready to go home, take a hot bath, and go to bed.

 I made one last stop at the drugstore on the way out of the mall, and my daughters decided to wait outside for me.  I paid for my purchases, and hurried out to meet them. Suddenly and abruptly, I crashed into a sparkling clean glass wall with such force it caused people to stop in their tracks and check out all the commotion near the eighth aisle.

 After my perfect face-plant into the glass, I slid to the floor in an ungraceful heap.  My shopping bags were in complete disarray, one three-inch heel came off, a button flew off to the great unknown, and my skirt was a little higher than I felt comfortable with.

As I tried to gather my wits and composure, I noticed my two daughters bent over in laughter and I could tell they were pretending not to know me.  When they began to walk away from me, I was sure they did not want anyone to know the dressed-up blonde in a heap on the floor was their mother. 

Lady, Call Me Anytime!

Lady, Call Me Anytime

car_mn_0While doing last minute packing for a speaking engagement in northern Alberta, my husband was warming up our SUV. I was excited about the northern adventure, but also a little apprehensive because our vehicle’s electrical system had been acting up. The fan would run off and on when it was turned off. Lyle was staying home and I felt a little insecure about my technical abilities, and didn’t want to have a dead battery on my trip. My understanding of a working automobile consists of putting the key in the ignition. If the motor starts, it works. So simple.

After putting my bags in the back of our vehicle, my husband suggested that I go by our dealership and have the fan disconnected. I promised I would.

Arriving at the dealership I checked in, and sure enough the fan was still running at full force in the SUV. I went directly to the service department and the manager said, “All the service personnel are having their morning coffee break, they will be back in twenty minutes”.

I took a seat, and thought I would use my time wisely by telling the service department manager how disappointed I was with our vehicle. I blathered on about the electrical problems and how stressful it was to be stranded somewhere away from home. After twenty minutes a serviceman said he would look at my car, and as we walked I explained the problem. I opened the back of the vehicle, he climbed in and listened, turned his head from side to side and listened some more.

As he climbed out of the vehicle, he said, “I don’t think it’s the fan. I think it is your tote bag.”

I told him with certainty the bag contained a blow-dryer and curling iron, and as he could see they were not plugged in!