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I may Need a Little Help!

ATTENTION:  Male and Female ATM bank procedures

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A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.  After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed.

Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.

 

Male procedure:

  • 1.   Drive up to the cash machine
  • 2.   Put down your car window.
  • 3    Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
  • 4.   Enter amount of cash required and withdraw
  • 5.   Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
  • 6.   Drive off.

Female procedures:  What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth, at least for me!

  •  1.  Drive up to cash machine.
  •  2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
  • 3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
  • 4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
  • 5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.shutterstock_2671605
  • 6. Attempt to insert card into machine..
  • 7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
  • 8. Insert card.
  • 9. Re-insert card the right way.

Through The Looking Glass

                                            Through the Looking Glass     

shutterstock_14746480 falling down

Early one fall I took a day trip to Calgary, Alberta, to buy spring and summer fashions for my retail business. I brought my teenage daughters along and planned to do some afternoon shopping after my appointment. I wore my navy business suit to make a good impression and for added flair, I wore my three-inch heels.  It was important to me to look pulled together so the sales representatives would assume I knew what I was doing.

My teenagers dressed for comfort in jeans and tennis shoes.  However, I decided to keep the suit and heels on for shopping, because I did not want to bring an extra set of clothes.  The day had been fun but exhausting, and by 5 pm I had burned-out.  I had a headache, my feet hurt, and I was hobbling. I was ready to go home, take a hot bath, and go to bed.

 I made one last stop at the drugstore on the way out of the mall, and my daughters decided to wait outside for me.  I paid for my purchases, and hurried out to meet them. Suddenly and abruptly, I crashed into a sparkling clean glass wall with such force it caused people to stop in their tracks and check out all the commotion near the eighth aisle.

 After my perfect face-plant into the glass, I slid to the floor in an ungraceful heap.  My shopping bags were in complete disarray, one three-inch heel came off, a button flew off to the great unknown, and my skirt was a little higher than I felt comfortable with.

As I tried to gather my wits and composure, I noticed my two daughters bent over in laughter and I could tell they were pretending not to know me.  When they began to walk away from me, I was sure they did not want anyone to know the dressed-up blonde in a heap on the floor was their mother. 

June Newsletter

One of our readers shared these BBQ Rules with me, I laughed my mascara and eyeliner off.   I hope you enjoy the “Rules” too. 

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BBQ RULES

We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it’s the only type of cooking a ‘real’ man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine..

(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill – cold drink in hand.

Here comes the important part:

(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

 More routine…

I Need A Vacation Away From My Vacation!

Every year when summer arrives I tell myself that this is the summer I am going to take it easy, relax and take time to smell the roses. However, when the summer ends, I need a vacation away from my vacation. I have on occasion toyed with the idea of booking a room at the retirement lodge for a month to recuperate: there I could sit uninterrupted in my rocking chair singing,”Blessed Quietness.” When your life feels out of control, have you ever felt like running away?

My life has been a roller coaster for the last two month, and when my to-do list hits overflow, I become overwhelmed.

At this point, I feel guilty and decide not to look at my list any more. (No, I’m not feeling better yet) Throwing the to-do list away now becomes a real option. I could start a new list, and forget how far behind I am.

The problem is, I often cannot face failure of rejection. I would rather not try than risk failure. I want to see the big picture and know success is certain. However, nothing in life has guarantees.  When financial prospects are bleak, job markets are uncertain, and health issues persist, it is easy to become overwhelmed with life.  Sometimes, I wish God would send me an e-mail, or memo, as a quick reminder that he is still in control. Why is it so easy to trust God for other people’s needs, but when it comes to our own needs we don’t have much faith?  Isn’t God enough to take care of all our needs, big and small?

Psalm 46:1-2  says,”

God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. so we will not fear, even if earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea. He is my strength, and light in a troubled world, I will not fear?

Father, I choose your strength, love and promise, I will not fear as long as you walk with me lighting my way. I choose to trust you.

Lovingly,  Karan 

“Laughter is an instant Vacation.”  ~ Milton Berle