Sep 17 2014

I may Need a Little Help!

Author: Karan Gleddie • Discussion: 4 Comments

ATTENTION: Male and Female ATM bank procedures

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed.

Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.

Male procedure:

1. Drive up to the cash machine
2. Put down your car window.
3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Drive off.

Female procedures: What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth, at least for me!

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine..
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.

Aug 27 2014

The Toothless Wonder

Author: Karan Gleddie • Discussion: No Comments

The Toothless Wonder

Three hours past our departure time, my husband, Lyle, and I, and our two teenage daughters, were finally pulling away from our southern Alberta home. We were on our way to the State Fair in Great Falls, Montana, but the way our car was packed, it seemed like we were off on a world tour.

I was looking forward to six days of rest and relaxation. No cooking, no early mornings, and plenty of my favorite hobby—retail therapy. We had a poolside room and our girls were ready to find their swimsuits and head to the water. However, my husband (the practical one) decided we would have supper first, before the swimming suits came out of the suitcases and everyone headed for the pool.

After a delicious Mexican dinner, I hurried back to our room because I had something stuck under my upper partial plate. As I hurried into the powder room, I took out my “two front teeth” and laid them on a tissue next to the sink. After I brushed my teeth, I wiped off the counter, threw the paper and tissue into the toilet, and flushed. I turned around to get my teeth, but they were nowhere in sight. I ran around the hotel room crying, praying, and hoping that I would find those teeth, but I knew in my heart they were gone—flushed—adios—good-bye.

My family returned to find me flustered and crying. They were clearly concerned, but before I told them what happened to my poor teeth, I made each one promise not to laugh. It did not help one bit. By the end of my story, they were rolling with laughter and asking to see my toothless smile, which only brought more uncontrolled laughter.

I decided right there my vacation was over. I wanted to go home. I told my family I could not spend the rest of the week without my two front teeth.

“Oh yes you can,” my husband said. “All you have to do is keep your mouth shut and no one will know.” Now why didn’t I think of that?

Jul 16 2014

July Newsletter: Everyone Has Blonde Days

Author: Karan Gleddie • Discussion: 6 Comments

I was off to England for a wedding a few weeks ago, thought I would share my diet with you. Trying to do a major diet before an important occasion can be real Stressful as many of you know, especially if you need a dress!

The Stress Diet

This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day.
Instructions for Stress Diet

BREAKFAST:
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
8 oz. skim milk

LUNCH:
4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie

MID-AFTERNOON SNACK:
The rest of Oreos in the package
2 pints Rocky Road ice cream, nuts, cherries and whipped cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce

DINNER:
2 loaves garlic bread
4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke
1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
3 Snickers bars

LATE EVENING NEWS:
Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)

RULES FOR THIS DIET:

1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the diet soda cancels out the calories in the candy bar.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you do not eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate, brand

Jun 10 2014

June Newsletter

Author: Karan Gleddie • Discussion: 3 Comments

One of our readers shared these BBQ Rules with me, I laughed my mascara and eyeliner off. I hope you enjoy the “Rules” too.

BBQ RULES

We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it’s the only type of cooking a ‘real’ man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine..

(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill – cold drink in hand.

Here comes the important part:

(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine…

May 19 2014

May Newsletter

Author: Karan Gleddie • Discussion: No Comments

It must be spring, the doctor just made an appointment for me to have my annual mammogram. Now, I don’t know about you, but it is not my favorite procedure. I thought you might enjoy these mammogram preparations.

Practice For Your Mammogram

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there’s no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam, and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared. And you can do this right in your own home!

Exercise 1: Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds (while you hold your breath). Repeat again, in case the first time wasn’t effective enough.

Karan K. Gleddie

Offering Love and Laughter to Women who need Hope

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